What to Do When Others Don’t Like Your Boundaries
I’m so glad you’re here.
This post is part of my 6-week holiday series for women who want to move through the busy season with more intention, authenticity, and calm. Each week, we’ll take a closer look at what it means to create space for yourself in a season that often demands so much from you.
By now, you’ve likely named what matters most to you this holiday season—your priorities, your limits, and the conditions that allow you to show up as the version of yourself you actually want to bring forward.
But something happens the moment you start honoring those boundaries:
someone else doesn’t like them.
A family member is disappointed you’re not traveling.
A friend insists you “could make it work” if you tried harder.
Someone questions your decision, takes it personally, or pushes back.
Suddenly, the clarity you felt is replaced with doubt, guilt, or the urge to explain yourself into exhaustion.
This is one of the most difficult parts of boundary work—not the boundary itself, but the emotional disruption that comes when someone else reacts to it.
Why Pushback Feels So Uncomfortable
If you’re used to being the reliable one, the flexible one, the peacekeeper, or the person who quietly absorbs other people’s needs, then someone else’s discomfort can feel like a personal failure.
It’s not.
Their reaction isn’t proof that your boundary is wrong.
It’s simply evidence that your boundary is new.
Most people don’t react to the limit itself.
They react to the change.
And change—especially when it shifts an old, familiar pattern—takes time to adjust to.
Boundaries Aren’t About Control
A boundary isn’t a way to manipulate someone or force them to behave differently. A boundary simply communicates:
This is what I can offer.
This is what I can’t.
This is how I’m caring for myself.
You can value the relationship and protect your capacity at the same time.
Those things aren’t opposites—they actually support each other.
When You Feel the Pull to Over-Explain
Resistance from others often triggers one of three responses:
Over-explaining (“Let me convince you why this is reasonable.”)
Defensiveness (“You’re not hearing me because you’re being unfair.”)
Self-doubt (“Maybe I should just say yes…”)
These are protective strategies. They’re born from old narratives about responsibility, emotional caretaking, and the belief that it’s your job to keep everything smooth.
It’s not.
A simple, calm response is enough:
“I’m not able to this year, but I appreciate the invitation.”
You don’t need a thesis statement.
You don’t need to prove your case.
You don’t need permission to take care of yourself.
Staying Grounded When Someone Pushes Back
When conflict or pressure arises, try this sequence:
1. Pause before you respond.
Notice what comes up—frustration, guilt, fear of disappointing someone. Slow down enough to hear yourself.
2. Return to your why.
You set this boundary for a reason. You know what it protects or makes possible. Let that clarity anchor you.
3. Respond with steadiness, not explanation.
You can be warm and direct at the same time.
You can stay connected without abandoning yourself.
4. Allow the other person to have their feelings.
Their disappointment doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong. It means they’re adjusting to a new reality.
Boundaries aren’t barriers—they’re guides. They show others how to be in relationship with the healthiest, most authentic version of you.
Holding Your Ground
With Care
If you want to navigate these moments more intentionally, here are three steps you can take:
Step 1: Identify What You Need and Why
Clarify the boundary and your reasoning behind it.
When you know what matters to you, your communication becomes steadier and less reactive.
Step 2: Know What Throws You Off
Do you tend to over-explain? Get defensive? Apologize for having needs?
Awareness allows you to choose differently.
Step 3: Plan for the Interaction
Prepare for the moment:
Stay connected to your body.
Take a breath before responding.
Tolerate the discomfort without collapsing your boundary.
Step away if you feel overwhelmed.
Holding your ground doesn’t mean being rigid. It means being rooted.
See you next week for
Simplifying from the Inside Out
If your holiday season brings up things that feel too heavy to work out with a good friend, or if that good friend has shared that she goes to therapy and thinks you might like it too, here are some resources that could make considering therapy even easier.
