Stop Feeling Guilty—Say Yes to What Matters to You This Season
I’m so glad you’re here.
This post is part of my 6-week holiday series for women who want to move through the busy season with more intention, authenticity, and calm. Each week, we’ll take a closer look at what it means to create space for yourself in a season that often demands so much from you.
For many high-achieving women, the holiday season doesn’t simply bring joy or connection it also brings a familiar pressure to hold everything together. You might find yourself slipping into old roles: the planner, the organizer, the gift-buyer, the emotional glue. Without even noticing, the holidays become less about meaning and more about managing.
But underneath that hustle is something deeper:
A belief that your worth comes from how much you can carry.
That’s the part of the season no one talks about — the invisible emotional load that shapes every “yes,” every obligation, and every moment you try to make perfect for everyone else.
The Hidden Cost of Automatic Yeses
When you say yes out of guilt, fear of disappointing someone, or habit, you’re not just giving away time or energy. You’re giving away decision making in your life.
Automatic yeses often come from:
Old narratives like “I’m the one who makes everything happen”
Family roles you’ve played since childhood
Fear of being seen as selfish or difficult
Perfectionism disguised as responsibility
These stories feel true, but they’re not facts they’re patterns and learned behavior. And patterns can be rewritten.
Why Naming Your Priorities Matters More Than Ever
The holidays bring a collision of expectations — internal and external. When you don’t name your priorities, everyone else’s agenda fills the space. You end up responding with patterns instead of choosing with intentionality.
But when you identify what actually matters to you this year — not theoretically, not what “should”, just what does this year — it shifts everything:
You notice what drains you instead of assuming it’s obligatory
You catch the moments you’re betraying your own limits
You gain clarity on which relationships or traditions fill you up
You begin making decisions that feel more aligned than automatic
Naming priorities isn’t about crafting the perfect holiday. It’s about giving yourself a reference point so you can stop abandoning yourself in the name of keeping the peace.
The Emotional Truth: You Are Allowed to Disappoint Someone
This is where people get stuck.
Even with clear priorities, the discomfort creeps in:
“If I don’t go, will they think I don’t care?”
“If I say no, am I letting someone down?”
“If I choose rest, am I failing?”
This is the moment where boundaries stop being theoretical and start being lived.
Here’s the truth you may need to hear:
You can care deeply about someone and still decline an invitation.
You can love your family and still choose less.
You can want connection and still need rest.
Disappointing someone doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong instead it often means you’re telling the truth. This may be new for you and your loved ones but it allows them to really get to know and love you. And also lets you experience deeper relationships because they don’t feel so fragile.
A Grounded Way to Make Holiday Decisions
You don’t need a full strategy. Start with one simple shift:
Before you respond, pause long enough to ask:
“Does this choice support the holiday I want to experience?”
If the answer is no, or even a hesitant maybe, that’s information.
It’s not a failure of generosity; it’s a moment of self-awareness.
The Impact of Choosing with Intention
When women begin making intentional choices, something surprising happens:
Resentment decreases
Peace increases
Moments feel more meaningful
Relationships become more honest
The season becomes something to experience, not manage
Intention doesn’t remove stress — but it replaces chaos with clarity.
A Practice for the Week
Set aside five quiet minutes and answer these:
What actually matters to me this season?
What expectations am I carrying that no longer fit who I am?
Where might I need to say no so that my yes has integrity and energy behind it?
You don’t need perfect clarity — you just need direction.
You deserve a holiday that feels like it belongs to you.
Not one that happens to you.
See you next week for
Boundaries for Your Time, Money, and Energy
If your holiday season brings up things that feel too heavy to work out with a good friend, or if that good friend has shared that she goes to therapy and thinks you might like it too, here are some resources that could make considering therapy even easier.
