Creating a Holiday Season That Fits Your Real Life
I’m so glad you’re here.
This post is part of my 6-week holiday series for women who want to move through the busy season with more intention, authenticity, and calm. Each week, we’ll take a closer look at what it means to create space for yourself in a season that often demands so much from you.
The holiday season has a way of bringing out our inner perfectionist.
We scroll through Pinterest and Instagram and see glowing homes, matching pajamas, and tables that look like they were styled for a magazine. Add in family traditions, cultural expectations, and the unspoken “shoulds” that come with being a good wife, mom, or woman—and it’s no wonder so many of us feel pressure to create the perfect holiday.
But for most women, that idealized version of the holidays doesn’t match the reality we’re living in. We may be caring for aging parents, managing tight finances, working long hours, or just trying to keep up with everyday demands. And yet, there’s often an unspoken expectation that we’ll somehow hold it all together and make it magical for everyone else.
The Weight of the Ideal
When we chase an idealized version of the holidays, we often end up exhausted, resentful, or disconnected. We might go above and beyond to make up for the parts of our reality that are hard—overcompensating by baking more, spending more, or saying yes to every invitation.
Sometimes we do this to avoid sitting with the discomfort of what’s really happening—grief, change, stress, or unmet expectations. But even when we succeed in creating the picture-perfect moment, the reality we were trying to escape still lingers underneath. And instead of feeling joy, we often feel depleted.
Naming What’s Real
What if, instead of striving for the ideal, you allowed yourself to name your actual season this year?
Maybe your holiday looks different because of a loss, a new job, or family dynamics that are simply… complicated. Naming your reality isn’t giving up—it’s choosing honesty over illusion. It’s a compassionate act of self-awareness that gives you space to grieve what isn’t possible and appreciate what is. This also allows you to recognize and create space for the feelings that surface with your reality. If you look around at what you have on your plate and feel overwhelmed, you want to acknowledge and take that into your planning for the season. If you have complicated family dynamics that bring up frustration and grief, it would be helpful to name that and then consider boundaries that set you up well for a family interaction instead of being surprised when it goes as usual.
You cannot change the people or situations that you are choosing to interact with over these next few months but taking time to process your thoughts and feelings before the events can give you the grounding and confidence you need to bring the best self you have available to the interaction.
When we allow our real lives—not the idealized version—to guide our decisions, we create a holiday season that’s more peaceful, grounded, and meaningful.
Redefining Self-Care
Self-care during the holidays isn’t just about scheduling a massage or grabbing coffee with a friend (though those can be lovely). Sometimes self-care means confronting head on all the parts of your story, not just the PR version. It might look like identifying your overwhelm and asking your partner to share in the planning or decision-making. It could mean rethinking what “good enough” looks like this year, and giving yourself permission to stop when your tank is empty. Or even naming out loud the confusing relationships you have with your loved ones that everyone else treats as normal, but you know cause you anxiety and stress.
You only have so much time, energy, and money to give—and how you spend those resources matters. Making intentional choices about where to invest them is one of the most generous gifts you can give yourself and your loved ones this season.
A Truer Kind of Beautiful
The truth is, a “perfect” holiday doesn’t exist. But yours does.
When you give yourself space to notice, name, and accept your real life as it is, you open the door for a season that’s more connected, peaceful, and true. You trade the hustle of striving for the perfect holiday for the joy of experiencing your actual holiday—both the highs and the lows.
And maybe that’s the kind of magic worth creating this year.
See you next week for
Naming Priorities to Inform Your Yes or No
If your holiday season brings up things that feel too heavy to work out with a good friend, or if that good friend has shared that she goes to therapy and thinks you might like it too, here are some resources that could make considering therapy even easier.
