Choosing a Counselor or Therapist: The 5 Questions to Always Ask
So, you took the time to scroll through Psychology Today or got a few names of therapists from friends, but how do you know if they are a good fit for YOU?
It may feel like you have to choose based on just a picture or short blurb, but that isn’t the case. When considering meeting with a stranger and trusting them with your story and hopes for change, it is important that you know a bit more. You want to be able to trust and feel confident in their ability to connect with you. Asking a few pointed questions can be really helpful, and you don’t have to wait for the first session to do that. Talking with a therapist PRIOR to your first session can help you decide whether you want to schedule an initial session or reach out to someone else.
Five questions to ask a Therapist BEFORE you schedule an initial session with them:
Meeting with a therapist can be intimidating. But remember, you are determining if they are a good fit just as much as they are. In a therapy relationship you are the expert on you and feeling a connection and confidence in a therapist is essential.
Here are five questions to ask a potential therapist to determine if they are a good fit. This can be over the phone, preferably, or through email.
Question #1: Do you have experience working with the issues I am looking for help with?
On therapist’s websites they often will list areas of interest in working with clients but you don’t have to just trust their list. By asking a therapist directly if they specialize in your unique counseling needs it allows them to learn about your therapy goals and for you to hear about how they articulate their specialty. For example, most therapists list anxiety because it is so prevalent of a need and encompasses a wide range of experiences. But that doesn’t mean that they are automatically a good fit for your anxiety needs.
By sharing with them that you are experiencing anxiety due to a job change, entering a new season of life or balancing the never ending demands of home and work life you differentiate yourself from someone who has anxiety due to a phobia or childhood abuse. Anxiety symptoms are still the reason for seeking treatment but as I share with clients my passion about helping women create the life they want despite the pressures of society, work and I connect and build trust with clients who are a good fit for me. I am also able to then make a strong referral for client’s who would be best served by a colleague who matches their specific need (EMDR, brainspotting or exposure therapy). You don’t have to settle. Finding a therapist who is passionate and has professional training to work with clients like you makes a big difference in therapy outcomes.
Question #2: How do you do your scheduling and are you able to offer me consistent appointments?
This is an important questions because it goes beyond the initial session to determine if the therapy relationship will be sustainable and consistent. Jumping through hoops to get in for an initial session may make sense for you but to meet regularly, research shows weekly or every other week for best outcomes, means that you need a consistent therapy schedule. I handle this by offering clients a standing appointment that is either weekly or every other week. This allows us the consistency to make changes in their life as well as the security they have in knowing I have time for them and their therapy needs.
Whatever your schedule is make sure that you know what would work for you and find a therapist that fits you not the other way around.
Question #3: Do you offer appointments through the medium that I prefer?
Due to all the changes we have experienced in the past two+ years therapy has never been more accessible but considering accessibility and what connects with you best is important for the way you request to do therapy. For example, I work with a lot of client’s who are feeling overwhelmed with the demands of life and work with me to establish boundaries. Coming into my office where they are “unavailable” to the world for those 50 minutes is part of our therapy together. Telehealth might be more flexible and at times is utilized but both of us recognize that creating this space is necessary and in-person often meets their needs even if it isn’t as efficient.
You may desire primarily Telehealth and recognize you aren’t able to make it into a traditional office space so this needs to be part of how your therapy happens. In asking this question of a therapist you can start to feel out what you ‘need’ and what you want and make sure how they do therapy matches both of these.
Question #4: What is it like to work with you?
This question may surprise you as it resembles an interview question but remember, this is an interview. You don’t have to know all the therapy jargon to connect with how a therapist talks to you about how they do their work. Therapists are just as unique as you are and this means you need to listen for key words and a process that resonates with you.
When I answer this question I share that I check in with all my clients after we start working to ask what it is like to work with me. These are some of the responses I have received:
It feels like a can breath, a huge weight has been lifted off that I didn’t know was there. Before I felt like I had to figure it all out on my own and now I know I am part of a team with you.
Relief, I am so tired of managing everything and everyone in my life, coming into your office feels like a respite where I can just show up and you guide me through the process. I have learned to trust the process.
Healing in a beautiful, safe space. I don’t know how you do it but when I share a jumbled mess you are able to summarize it back to me in a way that I feel validated and fully understood.
Clarifying, I just knew I needed help and felt hopeless, now I know it isn’t going to be easy but investing in myself is worth the work because I am hopeful for the future.
I love therapy and look forward to Wednesdays with you.
Question #5: What kinds of outcomes can I expect from working with you?
Now if all therapists had a crystal ball therapy would be easy and very predictable. But just because they haven’t met you yet to know your specific outcomes they should be able to share with you about clients they work with and how they measure outcomes.
When I’m asked this question I acknowledge that I can’t guarantee certain outcomes but I can share how I am accountable to measurable change. I don’t want my clients to just feel better I want them to be able to look back over our time working together and be able to point to the actual changes they have made.
I measure outcomes in a few steps that I share with potential clients. First, I have client’s fill out intake forms to get a before therapy baseline and take the first two sessions to get to gather as much information about them as I can. This allows me to have a good understanding of the issue bringing them to therapy as well as the impact of their symptoms and the environments they are operating in. We use this data gathered together to identify therapy goals that are collaborative based on client needs as well as what I may notice will get them where they want to be. Next, I use clinical assessments throughout therapy to have measurable data that shows symptoms are improving. It is important to me that therapy feels like a good fit and is also professionally following best practices.
Finally, I conduct regular check-ins with my clients to allow them to give me constructive feedback and make sure we adjust therapy goals as needed. This also allows us to start therapy with the end goal of graduating from working with me.
When you ask a therapist this question make sure you look for a described process that shows the therapist cares about and measures outcomes. The goal of therapy is to partner for a finite amount of time to learn the skills and changes you need for the life you want. If the therapist isn’t able to share their plan for you to connect, work and graduate they may not be a good fit.
I hope these questions are a helpful starting space for you to feel confident that you can find a therapist that is the best fit for you.
If you are still feeling stuck, you can contact me for a free 15-minute phone consultation. I’d be happy to talk with you about what you are dealing with and help direct you to the right person. If you are looking for help with anxiety, life transitions or work/life balance, you can read more about how I can help here.